Why "Hey" Gets Ignored — And What to Send Instead

You sent "hey" and got nothing. It stings a little, doesn't it?

Here's what nobody tells you: it's not you. It's the message.

The Psychology of Low-Effort Openers

When you send "hey" or "what's up," you're asking the other person to do all the work. You're saying: "I'm interested enough to message, but not interested enough to think of something to say."

And here's the thing about modern dating and connection: everyone is overwhelmed. Everyone has 50 DMs, 15 notifications, and a million things competing for their attention.

"Hey" doesn't cut through that noise. It adds to it.

What Actually Gets Responses

Messages that get responses have three things in common:

• Specificity: You're referencing something specific about them
• Curiosity: You make them want to know more
• Relevance: It feels like you actually looked at their profile

That's it. Those three elements are the difference between ignored and replied.

5 "Hey" Replacements That Work

Instead of "hey" → "Your post about [topic] really resonated with me"

Instead of "what's up" → "Been following your page for a bit — your energy is contagious"

Instead of "how are you" → "Saw your story about [thing] — how did that go?"

Instead of "you're cute" → "Had to message because your [specific thing] caught my eye"

Instead of "hi" → "Your bio mentioned [interest] — I'm actually into that too"

How to Make Any Opener Feel Natural

The key is authenticity. Don't copy-paste these. Use them as frameworks, then make them your own.

The best opener is one that could only come from you, about them, based on something real.